24 episodes · 24th September 2001
Greg and Kim are hardly enamored with Jimmy's and Christine's method of potty training Logan -- stripping him naked and letting him run around in the Warners' backyard until he figures it out himself. But since Sam is the same age as Logan, Greg thinks it's time to start potty training Sam as well. Just, uh, not by using the Hughes method. Greg and Kim take Sam out to buy big kid's underwear and a bunch of potty training aids the parenting books recommend. Jimmy and Christine think all the aids -- among them, a doll called Potty Scotty that poops ping pong balls and a child's first potty training video -- are ridiculous, especially since they're not working. Kim then tries to use Greg's bodily functions as Sam's training video, without consulting Greg. After Logan trains himself before Sam does, Greg begins to wonder if they should try Jimmy's and Christine's way, but Kim thinks they should just give up and try again later when Sam's ready. Greg, however, decides to take potty matters
The Warners and the Hughes invite the neighbors, Rob and Wendy, and their kids over. Greg decides to join a gym after seeing Rob give rocket ship rides to Sam, because he's too exhausted to give them to Sam himself. But Greg has no idea what to do at the gym and contemplates hiring a personal trainer, which Jimmy thinks is a waste of money. So he volunteers to personally train Greg himself. Christine, meanwhile, thinks about taking Logan out of day care because she's bored. Kim instead convinces Christine to go down to a temp agency and get a part-time job that she's qualified for -- passing out teeny-weeny samples at the supermarket. Jimmy loves Christine's new job -- especially the free lunch part -- but Christine hates it so much she quits, and tries her luck again at the temp. This time she gets an even worse job, and quits it too. Jimmy overworks Greg so much that he's ready to quit working out himself, until Jimmy confesses that he's only been ""helping"" Greg to avoid taking care
Jimmy invites all his security guard friends, including Billy whom he helped get on the payroll, to a poker game in the guesthouse. He neglects to invite Greg, because Greg doesn't know any of his friends. Greg finds out and feels bad, so Christine makes Jimmy invite him. Greg returns the favor and invites the gang -- Jimmy, Billy, Jack, Roy and Oscar (who doesn't speak English) -- to stop by his executive's office sometime. But Greg regrets his offer when they take advantage of it, and begin using his office as their hangout. Greg is too afraid to tell them he really doesn't want them around, though, so he uses his friendly co-worker, Stuart, as a scapegoat. His plan backfires when the guards frame Stuart to get even. And they're still hanging out in Greg's office. To clear Stuart's name, Greg confesses that it's he who wants everybody out -- including Jimmy. Now it's Jimmy who feels bad, causing Greg to make amends by inviting Jimmy and Jimmy alone to have lunch in his office. Unfort
The Warners have a problem when Sam develops some aggressive behavior with other playground children. A humiliated Kim points the finger at Greg, but Greg laughs it off and thinks Kim should just let Sam grow out of it. Greg changes his tune after he has to suffer the humiliation when Sam chokes another toddler at the park. So it's off to the library to do some research on how to cure the problem. Jimmy intervenes with his usual against-the-book advice by telling Greg what he did when Dominic became violent -- he found a bigger bully kid to knock some sense into him. Only after Greg pictures Older Sam going crazy and attacking a classmate does he put the books down and agree to do it Jimmy's way. With Kim and Christine off to a baby shower, Jimmy finds a guy with a troublemaking two-year-old who's bigger than Sam, and the fight is on. Marvin, the guy, arrives with his hefty son, Todd, just as Billy and Steve drop by Greg's backyard to see the ""match"" in person. They're not the only one
Greg's stunned when he gets a ticket for running a red light courtesy one of those auto-machines that takes your picture -- until he sees that it took Jimmy's picture while driving his car. Even though Jimmy promises to pay the ticket, Greg is still mad at him for borrowing his car without asking. Christine agrees and everyone arranges a deal to respect each other's property in the future. But Greg is angry when Kim breaks the arrangement by borrowing the Hughes' camera. To make it up to them, Kim decides to get their film developed herself. At the courthouse, Jimmy learns while waiting on line that he can't go to traffic school again because he's already been there once within the last 18 months. Greg, on the other hand, hasn't been... Christine has a cow, but eventually gives in to Jimmy's demands to make him a fake ID with Greg's name on it, or else Jimmy will lose his license for having too many points. Meanwhile, Greg and Kim go to get the film developed, and find out the hard way
On Halloween night, Greg is forced to wear a silly hot dog outfit trick or treating because that's what Sam (the kitty) pointed at when Kim (the genie) took him shopping for costumes. After Jimmy tells him to leave some candy out for the kids, Greg worries his house will get trashed while they're gone. Sam gets tricked when a seemingly sweet old lady says she'll go get him some candy -- which is the cue for her son to jump out of the bushes in a wolfman costume and scare the kids. Sam starts crying and has to be rushed home, and a furious Greg plots revenge. Christine and Jimmy think they should trash the guy's house, but Kim insists on fixing his wagon by writing a stern letter. Greg likes the trashing idea better, but gives in to Kim's wishes. So they both go to the house, drop off the letter, knock on the door, and hide so they can watch their reactions. After the old lady and the man read it and laugh hysterically, Greg and Kim return home, ready to do things the Hughes way. Greg a
Greg is jealous when he meets Todd, whom he considers the perfect dad. All Greg had to compare himself to before was Jimmy, but now there's another dad who actually plays with his kids, instead of playing golf with his buddies. Worrying that he's as awful a parent as his own father, Greg has another daydream that Older Sam dedicates a toast to the man who made him who he is today -- Todd. Since Older Sam can't remember Greg's name and even daydream Todd pointed out that he's bad, Greg decides to be a good dad too by going out with Kim and Sam and Todd and his family, rather than with Jimmy. But Todd is so active that it only takes two days of non-stop activities for Greg to want out. Since Greg needs Jimmy to make himself look good, Jimmy invites the ultimate white trash family, headed by redneck patriarch Earl, to Greg's barbecue, so he can have someone who makes him look good. Greg confronts Todd and asks him when he ever gets any alone time, but learns Todd considers alone time any
Greg goes through an old jacket and finds a wedding invitation Kim asked him to give to her friend, Julie Grimes, years ago. Make that ex-friend, since Kim cut Julie off for not showing up at her wedding. Greg worries Kim will think he forgot to deliver it on purpose as he never liked Julie or found her funny, which Kim, Christine -- and Julie -- all did. Christine says he should just show Kim the invitation to clear Julie's name, but he throws it away. It's only after he learns that Julie moved to LA to become a comedienne and Kim sadly feels she has no friends anymore because of what Julie did that Greg decides to pay Miss Grimes a visit to clear her name to her instead. Julie, who was crushed that Kim never invited her, is relieved that she in fact did, and agrees to patch things up -- starting with an invitation to her own wedding that she wants Greg to deliver. But Julie is as unfunny as ever, spouting one catchphrase after another, that he throws her invitation away too. Meanwhil
Since Greg and Kim plan to go away to see Greg's folks for Thanksgiving, Jimmy wants to invite his parents over to the Warner house. But Christine doesn't want his father there as all the man does is criticize his son. Jimmy feels he can impress his pop now because he's got a great job and family. Jimmy gets his wish; after the Warners leave, Big Jimmy and Kitty arrive. And they've brought company -- Aunt Betty, Grammy and cousin Neil the ex-con. But Big Jimmy is still not impressed and keeps criticizing Jimmy since Greg foots the bill for him and he bailed out of college. Meanwhile, a blizzard forces Greg and Kim to return home, and Greg prepares to go to bed, unaware Jimmy let Grammy sleep in his room. When he finds her there, he screams so loud that he kills her. Greg tells Kim, who dials 911, then wakes up Jimmy and Christine to break the bad news. They assume that Grammy passed away in her sleep -- which Greg plays along with. After the ambulance takes her away, Jimmy tells the ot
Jimmy and Christine surprise Greg and Kim with a weekend trip to the Grand Canyon. Courtesy an RV. Christine makes them hand over their wallets so they won't try to pay for anything. The trip gets off to a bad start when the three see Jimmy rented a smelly, dirty, 1970's RV. When Christine asks where's the nice one they picked out, Jimmy says the rental place sprang extra fees and this was all they could afford. Forced by Kim to go, Greg gets a good night's rest expecting to see the Grand Canyon when he wakes up Saturday morning, but all he finds is Jimmy overslept. Jimmy speeds to make time, which makes Greg RVsick. At a rest stop, Greg has it out with Jimmy for giving him such a lousy vacation and driving so badly. Jimmy says he can drive then, and throws him the keys -- which fall right down a grate. Since Jimmy put the spare on the ring, they have to wait until Sunday morning for the RV place to FedEx a new set. Greg asks Christine to give him his wallet so they can go to a hotel,
Greg's and Kim's parents all spend Christmas at the Warner house this year. Not all is merry when a discussion about how every child has their 'A' set of grandparents (the ones they love) and their 'B' set (the ones they like) makes Greg realize his parents, Tom and Natalie, aren't Sam's 'A' set. When Greg sees Sam having a great time with Don and Jenny, he snatches Sam away from them, then tries to make his parents play with him. But Tom and Natalie are so dull and awkward around kids that Greg talks to Kim about it. She tells him it's not Sam's fault that Tom and Natalie are meek. Greg turns it into a competition, insistent on making his folks the 'A' grandparents. No matter what he orders them to do to win Sam over, Don and Jenny are one step ahead of him. Greg's angry when Don decides for everyone that they'll be breaking tradition by opening their gifts on Christmas eve. And he's furious when Don and Jenny give their gifts to him, Kim, Jimmy and Christine -- they've bought the cem
At a school carnival, Kim persuades Greg to try to win a fish for Sam. Greg doesn't want a fish, so he tries to lose on purpose. But Jimmy comes along and wins it. Sam likes the fish so much that Kim gloats about how right she was. The next morning, though, the fish dies. Kim makes Greg have to explain to Sam what happened to it, so he butters him up with the promise of a new fish and some candy. Then Kim overrides Greg's explanation and tries to make Sam sad, which ticks off Greg. Since he believes she's making the situation worse and doesn't respect him, Greg starts argument #1 with Kim. Jimmy finds out about it and tells Greg that Christine is his puppet and he loses arguments with her on purpose just so they can get to the make-up sex faster. And since Greg never wins any arguments with Kim anyway, he should do the same. So Greg goes home and takes a dive, which Kim falls for. But Greg can't bear to play Jimmy's game for very long, and soon admits the truth. Which spurs argument #2
The Warners get some extra help around the house from their neighbor, Bernice, who's a little too eager to carry Kim's groceries and play with Sam. A chance encounter with an annoying lady at the pediatrician makes Christine realize she should start pushing Jimmy to chase his dream the same way he pushed her to go back to college. Jimmy's dream was to be an umpire -- which he didn't chase because Christine shot it down way back when. Now he says she was right the first time. Greg becomes so attached to Bernice, who baked him a pie and gave him a sweater, that he starts acting like she's his wife. Jimmy confesses to Greg that he's using Christine's destroying his dream as a trump card to get things out of her. But Greg manages to convince Jimmy that his dream isn't stupid and he should go for it. Kim lets Greg see, to no avail, that she's jealous of his affection for Bernice. Jimmy's first ump job is a textbook lesson in Murphy's Law, leaving the entire field up in arms at his extreme i
It's Sam's and Logan's first day of nursery school, and Kim decides to butter up their teacher with cookies. When Kim and Christine go after school to pick up the kids, Christine is upset when the teacher, Miss Brooke, fawns all over Sam, then ignores Logan. Christine tells Jimmy about it that night, but he thinks she's overreacting. After trading off with the women, Greg and Jimmy go to pick the kids up the next day. Jimmy sees that Christine wasn't overreacting when Miss Brooke doesn't even know which one is Logan. At home, Christine tells Jimmy that Miss Brooke is doing it because Kim is brown-nosing her with presents, and the two talk to Kim about it. But Kim refuses to stop sucking up, so Christine and Jimmy try to outdo her by sucking up with gifts of their own. It doesn't work, Kim realizes the error of her ways, and they all confront Miss Brooke about what she's doing. After Greg and Kim offend Jimmy and Christine by suggesting she's doing it because Sam is special and Logan is
Greg is ashamed when Sam runs screaming to Jimmy for comfort during a thunderstorm. Jimmy thinks the reason Sam didn't run to Greg is because he doesn't act like a man, and suggests he let Sam watch him do manly things to change the tot's mind. Like playing touch football with Jimmy, Billy, Oscar, and Oscar's secret crush, Dot. Greg scores a touchdown during the game, but Sam misses it. What Sam doesn't miss is Greg getting knocked to the ground. Greg sees a chance to redeem himself when Billy kicks the football into a tree, it gets stuck, and nobody wants to get it. Greg decides to impress Sam as the only one brave enough to climb the tree and get it -- except right after he does, his fear of heights kicks in, and the fire department have to come help him down. Jimmy warns Greg to break the chain now, or else his wuss gene will be passed down. Greg has his chance to do so when everybody goes to the movies, and a guy won't stop talking during the film. So Greg stands up and blocks the
Kim meets a new friend, Andrea, at Mommy and Me, and cavalierly decides that her husband, Alan, will be Greg's new friend. Greg is forced to go over to their place for dinner to meet Alan, but the guy is even more displeased with the situation and gives him the cold shoulder. After Greg complains to Kim that Alan brushed him off, she tells him he's getting a taste of his own medicine, since that's exactly what he used to do. Greg works himself into a panic about how Alan probably thinks he's friendless, especially after Kim says she invited Alan and Andrea over in reciprocation. Greg takes the opportunity to let Alan know he doesn't want to be his friend any more than Alan wants to be his. The two guys get to sharing complaints about how their wives always do this, and soon they are friends. But right after Alan and Andrea are out the door, Greg finds out Kim is sick of Andrea criticizing her and doesn't want to be friends with them anymore. After a final, fateful get-together where Ki
When Dominic keeps his parents up because he wants to sleep in their bed rather than the one he now shares with Logan (who kicks him at night), Kim offers to convert their spare bedroom into Dominic's new room. Though he doesn't use it, Greg still wants the room and unsuccessfully attempts to convince Dominic not to take it. The first night after Dominic moves in, Greg catches him walking out of the kitchen, then finds his wallet on the kitchen floor with all the money gone. Christine talks to Dominic about it, and when he says he didn't steal the money, nobody believes Greg. The next night, Greg finds Dominic returned his money. Greg tries to thank him, only to realize the kid is sleepwalking when Dominic kicks him and pokes him in the eye. Christine worries he may be suffering from stress caused by living in a new room. The third night Dominic sleepwalks, Kim is present when he smacks Greg and threatens to throw him out if he doesn't pay his rent. Kim thinks Greg's jokes about the Hu
Greg's old high-school girlfriend, Stacey, is in town. Greg invites her and her husband, Bobby, over to visit so he can see her again. Looking at pictures of Sam, Dominic and Logan gets Stacey and Bobby to admit that they've been trying to have children of their own -- which hasn't been going all that well since Bobby has ""slow swimmers."" Stacey says they came to LA because it has the best fertility experts. When Greg tells her he's there for them if they need anything, she takes his offer a little too literally, and asks for his sperm. Kim is enraged when Greg says he'll think about it, and actually meant it. After Jimmy gloats how Christine would let him do it, Kim talks with her, and learns that she was lying so as not to start a fight. She also believes Greg wouldn't do it in a million years. So Kim pulls the same act with him, and is relieved that he isn't doing it. Greg lets Stacey and Bobby down easy, but both he and Jimmy are stunned when they turn right around and ask Jimmy fo
Jimmy and Dominic join the West Los Angeles Tribe of Indian Scouts, and meet their tribemates: Chief Carl Blumkin and his son, Kevin; Great Star and his son, Bright Star; and Talking Rock and his son, Running Rabbit. Even with his own cute Indian nickname -- Red Fox -- Jimmy's sense of humor doesn't fly with the others. Since he dreads scouting and Greg, a decorated child scout, loves it, Jimmy agrees to let him be surrogate father to Dominic for the next meeting. That way, he can have his own meeting... on the couch with a Cleveland Indians game. The others are impressed by the many feathers Greg earned when he was a scout. And since he happens to have more of them than Carl, he's made new chief. Jimmy's relief turns to jealousy when he finds out Greg drove Dominic to school. He tells Greg he'll take Dominic to school and to the meetings from now on -- which is fine with Greg, but not with Dominic. Dominic is ashamed when, on their first wilderness adventure, Jimmy kills a bunny with
Greg announces that he may soon become Executive Director of Business Affairs, instead of what he is now... Executive Manager of Business Affairs. Since the new position is between him and his co-worker, Stuart, Jimmy recommends he suck up to his boss to ensure he gets it. Though initially skeptical, Greg has a chance to follow that advice when he goes to see Jimmy play at the studio's softball game, and bumps into his boss, Mr. Savitsky. Jimmy hits a home run and wins the game for his team. Then Greg gets the promotion. Greg is annoyed when Jimmy brags that his home run clinched it for him. Fearing Jimmy might be right, Greg asks Savitsky point blank if he got promoted over Stuart because he works harder. Savitsky tells him he did, but when Greg brings up Jimmy's home run afterwards, Savitsky remembers that it was because of the home run after all. Humiliated, Greg lies to Jimmy that Savitsky told him it wasn't. Jimmy pretends to be soundly defeated before revealing that Savitsky alre
While going over their homeowners' insurance, Greg lets Kim fetch the appraisal on her engagement ring, figuring she'll be thoroughly impressed with him when she finds out once and for all where he got it and what he paid for it. She is. And then she's thoroughly disgusted with him when she finds out when he got it -- two years before he met her. Greg admits that he bought the ring for another woman, but never proposed to her because he caught her getting it on with his roommate. His explanation falls on deaf ears, and Kim gives the ring, which she now considers tainted, back to him. To make amends, Greg surprises Kim with a brand-new replacement engagement ring. Or rather, a brand-new carbon copy of her original engagement ring -- which an insulted Kim also gives back, because it reminds her just as much of the other woman as the first one did. After a third failed attempt to pass the same ring off to her, Greg goes and gets her a different ring he personally designed himself. But her
While drawing up their will, Greg and Kim have a difference of opinion on who should get custody of Sam in the event of their deaths. Kim wants Jimmy and Christine to have him. Though Greg thinks Jimmy is too irresponsible, he ends up deferring to Kim's wishes. When they tell Jimmy and Christine about it, Jimmy wonders how they expect a mooch to raise three kids. He learns that Greg's life insurance policy will handle that. But since Greg only agreed to trust him with his son and not his money, the funds were entrusted to Greg's sister instead. Jimmy is insulted that Greg feels he's too incompetent to manage his finances. Against Greg's wishes, Kim decides to give Jimmy $1500 of their tax refund to invest to prove his mettle. After a failed attempt at playing the stock market, Jimmy takes the entire $1500, plunks it down on a wet suit and scuba diving lessons, and starts up a golf ball retrieval service, fetching balls that golfers hit into the lake then selling them for profit. Greg b
Kim isn't happy to hear that Greg's mother will be staying with them for four days, as all Natalie does is make boring small talk with her. Natalie shows up with Tom -- who wasn't supposed to be coming -- because she was worried he'd forget to take his blood pressure medication if she left him home alone. While Kim has to contend with listening to Greg's mother's chit chat, Greg has to contend with seeing his mother boss his father around like a child. Greg tells Jimmy about it, worried how Tom no longer fights back. Jimmy recommends Greg spring him for a day, so Greg invites both men to a Vegas vacation this weekend. He tries to ask his mother for permission first, but when she says Tom can't go, Greg goes behind her back and takes him anyway -- which angers both wives when they find out their husbands left without telling them. Greg and Jimmy take Tom to an amazon jungle exhibit, where Greg soon realizes that his mother has spoiled his father so much that he doesn't know how to do an
Kim catches Greg off guard when she tells him she wants to have another baby. To try to talk her out of it, he uses the excuse that they're going to paint the house, and pregnant women shouldn't be around the fumes. Christine then catches Jimmy off guard when she offers their painting services. On the first day of the job, Christine and Jimmy receive a housecall from two missionaries, David and Ricky, who are going door-to-door to promote family values and do charity work... like painting houses for complete strangers. Too lazy to do it themselves, Christine and Jimmy gladly take them up on that. Jimmy's bad drinking and gambling influence rubs off on the innocent missionaries, so it's up to Jimmy and his knowledge of all things 700 Club to get them back into the faith and out of the house. Kim talks Greg into going for round 2, but just as they're about to begin, she confesses she wants another girl. And if they keep getting more boys, then they'll keep trying until they get a girl. E
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